I did want to leave with the quote that seems to have caused so much commotion, a quote that was never meant for our eyes, BTW.
Dr. Popcak in his response to Danielle Bean:
I would agree that you cannot do AP without going to the nuthouse if you have another child every year. But the AP response would be that, unless God has somehow specifically called a person to act in a manner that is contrary to what he created the child's body to need (which would be remarkable considering Pope Benedict's assertion at Ravensburg that the Christian God is a God of order and reason who does not contradict the laws of his own creation) then it is imperative to the bonding process and the health of the mother that children be spaced about 2.5 to 3 years apart (give or take).
Notice he says GIVE or TAKE. When he says "imperative," I'm reading the words right after as being more important than the number of years given.
Some have said this would be a Catholic argument against AP because it would allegedly limit the size of the family. But a healthy couple who married in their 20's and practiced AP could easily have and properly form a family of 8 or more children before the woman's fertility ends. The Sears' did.
AP parents are just as open to life as others, they just seek to expand their families in a manner that is respectful both to the health of the mother and the well-being of their children. People who are doing Catholic AP correctly don't put themselves in the position of having to choose whose needs get met (the parent's or the children's). They adhere to the Catholic teaching on the common good which requires that each member of a community has a right to have his or her needs met but only in a manner that is respectful of the needs of everyone else in the community.
I suppose when I read this, I'm not shocked at all. Why?? Well, I guess he's sticking up for us women. He's saying that in seeking to expand our families we have to consider the health of the mother AND the well being of the children already here. And he's pointing out that 2.5-3 year spacing normally does that. But of course anyone is free to space them shorter or even longer. He's not demanding that ALL FAMILIES do this. He's pointing out that, practically speaking, this spacing respects both mother and living children. And this in response to the objection that trying to do AP AND have children close together would send some to the nuthouse.
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Now for the funny part, here are my children's spacing:
Isabelle is 2.5 years older than Anna.
Anna is 18 mos. older than Sophia.
Sophia is 15 mos.older than Kolbe.
***Craig almost loses his wife to the nuthouse at this juncture. ***
Kolbe is 2.5 years older than Catherine.
Catherine would have been 2.5 years older than our baby in Heaven on January 19th.
I guess I don't feel offended because I see how the spacing helped me to be a better mom. But of course, if someone can be a good mom with less spacing, then you should really read into the qualifier (more or less).
I think he's a lone voice in the Catholic community who would have families believe that being a good Catholic family involves NOT using NFP and having as many children as possible. I think discerning each new baby is good. And discerning if mother is physically and mentally ready is alright. I don't know how else to discern other than by using NFP.
I might seem very defensive but I'm also battling this same war here at home. I've met a wonderful group of women and I enjoy spending time with them every month. But they are of the opinion that NFP should be for extreme cases only. And I disagree. I embrace the whole notion of Integral Procreation.
And so I feel relieved and comforted, while I'm sure Dr. Popcak is walking through fire coals right now, to hear that it is imperative that I bond with my children and stay healthy. The footnote for me is that this can usually be achieved with 2.5-3 year spacing (more or less).
Now you ladies can see how twisted my brain is. This is honestly how I'm understanding him. Maybe I'm wrong. But I choose not to swallow the green pill (or whatever the color is from the Matrix). LOL!!!
Have a great week. Craig comes home tonight so I probably won't be around. And poor guy, I've been talking his ears off on the phone all day. He agrees it was a tough year after Kolbe was born. That was the year I bought our first baby swing!! LOL!! Not very AP appropriate. LOL!! That was also the year we started homeschooling. What a year!! But I wouldn't change anything!
I am who I am BECAUSE of what I've been through, not despite it.
-Dr. Kenneth Craycraft
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2 comments:
Interesting points! And again, what you are talking about at the end is women having the tendency to judge eachother. I hate having to measure up to the "great cosmic Catholic ruler" that some people set up. I've always been a bit of an outsider to these groups due to unschooling, so I can understand being judged. I guess I do believe that NFP is for grave reasons.... AS DEFINED BY THE COUPLE! And I do not believe "grave" just refers to dire physical health concerns. Only the couple can know what is grave. Only the couple can know that mom is maxed out and the kids are not getting what they need. This cannot, CANNOT be judged from outside (sore point, sorry). Anyway, while I tend to be a "grave-reasoner" I think it is absolutely ridiculous to count up another person's children to determine "how Catholic" they are. Anyway, you bring up some interesting points.... I am going to have to think about all this a bit.
Oh, and after re-reading Popcak's statement I am still annoyed by what he wrote. Sigh. I do understand where he is coming from, and frankly I do believe that AP is superior and I am usually not very diplomatic about it... but I also think you have to be very, very, very careful about telling a bunch of Catholic mamas that there is an ideal number of years for childspacing. I also think you have to be very, very careful about how you approach a woman who is not APing. I have seen sooooo many women ever so nervously show up at LLL because they were having trouble breastfeeding and had resorted to using the bottle. They show up feeling embarassed and "less than"... and because of all the "breastfeeding nazi" stories out there they are terrified of being judged. They are met where they are, without judgement. They are helped with the issues that are causing them problems with breastfeeding. Often, they have never heard of the family bed or anything else. No one says that they are not shooting straight or some other alienating thing. People share what works for them in a non-judgmental, conversational way. Anyway, I am rambling again. I am going to have to bow out of all of this as my kitchen counters are in and I have running water again... so I have to go and put my house back together. It has been fun having so much time to go back andforth on all this... but now I must return to my regular duties!!!:)
Thanks for sharing the good points. I can't wait to show all this to my husband (and I'm sure he can't wait, too;)..LOL.
I am curious what his take is going to be and who he is going to side with (he quite often concludes just the opposite from me). I'll keep you posted!
I think Emily has made some good points and I completely understand your point of view too, Lillian. I too have been made to feel guilty by some of the conversations that people like Danielle have had about trusting God when it comes to having another baby because I do believe that NFP is a gift that we have been given and should be used with serious reason that can only be determined by the couple. Here is the problem, as I have come to realize it. Some moms feel judged by these statements of "trust" because it is something we take very seriously (being open to life, that is). But these moms who have chosen to have children spaced closer together feel judged by Dr. Popcak's philosophy as being irresponsible parents. Both sides are doing the same thing to the other.
The only reason I choose to have more sympathy for Danielle's side is that she doesn't try to induce guilt, in fact, her own philosophy (Do What Ever Works for Your Family) pretty much exonerates her from that charge. Because even though she might seriously be trying to encourage more moms to break out of their comfort zones and have more trust in Divine Providence, she is not forcing anyone to follow her teachings or saying that all women should be seeking pregnancy right now no matter what. I believe she wants to be encouraging whereas, Dr. Popcak comes off as condemning. Those of us who might have have been made to feel "less than Catholic" for not having 8 kids are more sensitive to that encouragement because we feel as though the finger is pointing at us. In charity, Danielle herself has never said that. To encourage one group is not to condemn the other. Dr. Popcak's approach (which is a source of livelihood for his family) is much more "condemning". Maybe you don't have the kind of personality that is sensitive to it, but the guilt it induces is tremendous when you feel as though you have failed (and he provides many measurable successes and failure to be judged by). Have I ever felt guilt from something Danielle has written? Initially, yes, but then I realized it was my interpretation of her statements (or the interpretation of her readers) and not what she had written herself. I know that Danielle's work is also a source of livelihood for her family, but when you look at what she has written, it is more encouragement to have confidence in yourself than a set of rules.
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